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Grief • Hope • Love
*This post may contain affiliate links. If you click on any link and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission at no cost to you.
I am the voice of Truly Madly Sassy and currently reside in Northeast Tennessee with my dog Snickers. I’m a full-time mental health advocate, a most-of-the-time writer, a part-time mermaid, and a self-proclaimed princess. I’m a lover of all things chocolate, a staunch Starbucks addict, a sap for Rumi’s poetry, and a tried-and-true believer in happily ever after.
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I hope you find some sort of closure with this person though it may not turn out to be in the way you hoped or expected. He may not be capable of the remorse or guilt you may want him to feel. The most important part is the love and strength that you are feeling for yourself and that grows as you heal yourself.
“I once thought that he wasn’t capable of remorse, but I’ve come to realize the issue with him is the overabundance of guilt that keeps him stuck. Do I think he has narcissistic traits? Oh yes yes yes. And I’m beginning to think closure is not ever attainable, but I’m still pondering that one. Thank you so much for all your support Kristin. I am so glad that Randy brought us back together from days gone by. You inspire me to keep going.”
“His reputation superceded him always, but if there’s one thing I know for certain it is this: you were different than any other woman he ever got involved with and he let you into his life in ways he’s never let anyone else in. He ran from that because you are the one who got close enough to hurt him and he couldn’t handle that. He might be where he is now, but he’s not there forever and you know this. You are the one who grabbed his heart, honey and everything always comes full circle. Love you my friend.
❤
You always did deserve better, but I am probably one of the few friends who understood your love for him and I’m remembering what you told me about Sybil saying you couldn’t just take the only parts of him you liked because you had to take all of him, even the really bad parts. And plain as day, I can remember you looking straight at me and saying “”OMG! I don’t know that I can deal with all that!!”” We take the good with the bad, you know this. And we all know your story with him is nowhere near over because connection like that doesn’t happen very often and no matter what you’ve been through together, that love stays no matter what. Keep looking forward until the day you finally get to revisit it for the answers you haven’t yet gotten. It all comes out in the wash, Sister.
“It is what it is, isn’t that what they say?! Talk about some dirty laundry haha! Miss you friend. XoXo”
“I was one of many voices urging you, pleading with you to recognize your worth and his lack of it. I hurt for you, because those of us who have been on the receiving end of this kind of manipulation recognize it when we see it again. At some point–soon, I hope– you will move past this hurtful chapter. Eventually it will become a memory, but not one that tears at your heart. It will become a memory about how you transformed into a strong warrior princess! Here’s a long excerpt from my book, to remind you of what you already know: Perpetrator stowaway’s the ones who did you wrong…. I find it crucial to remember that what they did to me actually had nothing to do with me at all. Their behavior is a reflection of their own junky issues. Being the recipient of their nastiness doesn’t mean I caused it or deserved it. Maybe this person was meant to help me develop new strengths or shift me towards a better direction. I must first accept that no acknowledgement of wrongdoing is going to come. I don’t have to be okay with what happened, and I don’t have to forgive and forget. I can let a higher power take care of the forgiveness for now, and while it may be impossible to forget, by cutting off the energy that feeds it, the stowaway will eventually fade away. Picture yourself fanning ongoing flames of fury and resentment over the perpetrators in your raft. Can you see the result? Is this person worth the destruction of your own raft? Imagine stowaway conversations on the plastic tape that is used in movie reels. We replay scenes and conversations over and over again; what was said, what we should have said, should have done, and on and on. With each playing, we ramp up our angst, our pain, and our stress. One way to stop replaying this dreaded tape is to unravel it. Let this signify the unraveling of all the hurt and anger and pain. Then just throw the whole thing away. It’s a jumbled mess. It always was. It no longer has any value or any use. Good riddance. Get it out of your raft, and forget you ever held on to it…… In some cases, you might just have to remind yourself that things could actually have been worse, even if you can’t imagine how. I have found it helpful to picture the baggage being handed to me, and my refusing to accept it…because I finally realized that much of the baggage we haul around was really someone else’s negative stuff to start with. We can consciously examine some of our baggage and learn from it so that we don’t put ourselves in the position of accumulating anything like it ever again. In my darkest moments, I kept telling myself that everything was a blessing in disguise, even if it didn’t make sense yet. I repeated it constantly, going through the motions until I could begin to believe it. I’m mostly there, but it’s still an ongoing process. It’s important to point out that getting rid of baggage is rarely a one-time event. Most of us throw it out, pick it back up, and throw it out again multiple times before we finally manage to let it go for good…”
“Ah, if only we all learned things the easy way. Warrior Princess?! LOL. Pissed Off Princess maybe, but then isn’t that kinda the same thing?! We love who we love, I guess. And if my heart would catch up with my head, I’m sure I’d be a much better person because of it. Love you Marie!”
Oh my. I know how much you loved him. How much you still love him. But know when I tell you that he was never worth you. You once told me it would be him until it wasn’t him anymore. If only…
Nice to hear from you again. It’s all about timing…and it just wasn’t our time. Hope you’re doing well.