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Magic. Have you ever experienced it?
The man who had my heart was my magic. He barreled into my life at the perfect time.
I needed closure. You heard that right.
He listened. I blathered and I do mean blathered.
I held space for him because I loved him that much.
I was harsh, but maybe not as harsh as I should have been.
He’s different. Very different. Different than he’s ever been.
I took the journal to the appointment that I bought for him 5 years ago.
Before our appointment ended, he gave me the apology I needed.
One of the most difficult things in life is watching the man you love and care for love someone else
She is not, nor will she ever be, the right woman for him. I know that I know that I know that that was supposed to be me. And the most tragic thing about all of this is knowing how much we still love each other, but yet we aren’t together. I’ve heard it said that sometimes when you find someone again the second (or hundredth, in our case) time around, you’re both ready for each other in a way you never were before. Maybe that will prove itself to be true in time, but for now, I have to let him go because he deserves goodness. He deserves to be loved and adored, no matter what he’s done, and I told his brother that when I texted him asking him to take care of his baby brother in my absence because letting him go, my magic, is the most difficult thing I have done thus far in my 46 years of living.
I wrote him one final letter in his journal.
I marked it so he could find it. I’m not going to share all of it, because that letter is very sacred to me and I want to keep most of it just between us, where it belongs. But the last lines of it went something like this:
I’m permanently relocating to the coast a week from Sunday.
Love Letters (2012-2017)