Everybody Needs a Sybil

July 24, 2017 by Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy 24 Comments

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Sybil is my therapist.

And yes, that’s really her name but nobody ever believes that because they think I’m using it metaphorically (what’s her real name? Sybil. Seriously?? Yes. And she’s a THERAPIST? Yes. You’re totally joking, right?! No, no I’m not— hey, it always makes for good conversation!). And I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that sometimes, I wonder if she has multiple personalities, depending on what place I’m in emotionally when I see her. Ironic, yes?! No.

It’s no secret amongst my inner circle that my first experience with therapy was at 8 years of age. My parents divorced then, and that’s hard on a child who doesn’t understand grown-up-stuff. You might wonder if I’m ashamed of being so open about the fact that I have a Sybil and that I’m so transparent about it, and my answer to that is no because she’s the biggest reason I’m alive in the here and now. I’ve cried with her. Yelled at her. And broken plates with her (it’s very cathartic, I highly recommend it!). She’s been my rock through so many hard things: finding the strength to leave my husband, dealing with the deaths of three friends in 9 short months, walking me through severing a tie with a family member who was unhealthy for me, and most importantly, holding my hand through the loss of a man that I loved more than anything else in the entire world—even more than Nutella—and in all seriousness, I love Nutella.

I’m a huge proponent of therapy.

It’s true that there’s a stigma associated with it, but quite frankly, I think everyone can use a little head-shrinking. Every time I have a friend going through a difficult time, I always say ‘you need a Sybil.” Not because I don’t want to hear them out, but because I know the value of having an unbiased person in your corner. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of; in fact, I think the people who seek it are probably the most courageous people on the face of the planet. Like purple-heart courageous, because it takes a brave person to walk into the office of a professional that they don’t know well, spilling their heart with every step. I’ve spilled my heart a lot lately and Sybil gets it even when I don’t. The move to North Carolina has brought up quite a few old wounds—stuff I thought I had dealt with, which has led me down a very narrow, rocky path. Uncertain times are never comfortable experiences and that’s the importance of having someone who can help you wade through all the rip-current-deep-waters that you tread.

The man I loved (love) is a very prideful man.

And the day he told me that he had sought out a therapist was probably the most profound experience I ever had with him (god, I was so proud of him). He had lots of questions about therapy and was frustrated with the process of it, once saying “I’m an A-B-C guy, not a damn essay question! I do all the talking and she does all the listening. I’m there for answers, not more questions! Tell me again why I pay her to help me?” (hint: therapy is never an A-B-C process—if it was that easy, all the Sybil’s of the world would be out of business!). I listened to him as he talked about counseling and his hesitancy with continuing it. I knew he didn’t understand. But I didn’t want to give him the answers either because entering into therapy is a great-big-sharp-dead-man’s learning curve. However, as the days passed, I thought about the fact that it was an all-new experience for him (hey, I’m a pro!). So I caved and sent him this via text:

“It’s not up to me to give you the answers. But the reason that we get “questions” rather than answers in counseling is because they aren’t there to clear the path for us. They are there to guide only. And the reason we do all the talking is because a thought is very different than a spoken word. We can “think” something all day long, but until “say” it and “hear” ourselves say it, it has no “weight” so to speak. Speaking our thoughts gives our words power. And the power of our spoken words puts us on the path we are meant to be on. Do you sometimes need a GPS? Sure. And that is where your therapist comes in–to lead you where you are supposed to go. It takes a lot of courage to go inward and explore our true selves because the truth ain’t always a pretty thing. I care about you. I believe in you. And I know you can do this. Be brave enough, honey, to clear the paths. There’s something very beautiful about allowing ourselves to be completely broken open. It’s scary and painful, yes, but trusting the process leads us to more wholeness–peace from broken, shattered, splintery pieces. You’re welcome.”

His response, you ask?? “I should be paying you.” (no kidding, he owes me thousands upon thousands by now).

Therapy isn’t a walk in the park. In fact, it’s far from it.

But having that GPS (aka your therapist) in your back pocket as a resource is invaluable. Therapists view things from different perspectives and often give us insight into situations that we could never see for ourselves. Therapy is powerful. It’s brutal. It’s vulnerable in the greatest sense of the word, yet it’s freeing in the most macabre of ways. Yes, you read that right: it’s a death of sorts when the old you becomes the new you. It’s nothing short of empowering, really. And if you can find it within yourself to just embrace the process, your life will shift in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. Nor does it mean you’re crazy. And it definitely doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of figuring things out. What it does mean is that you’re full of courage and have the determination to see things through when that road you’re traveling seems like it only leads to a dead end. Don’t be ashamed to reach out for help when you’re stuck. Instead, be brave enough to clear the paths and see where they take you. You’ll grow from it. You’ll be a better person because of it. And you’ll be much more aware of those detour signs you missed when you took that wrong turn 20 miles back.