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Truly Madly Sassy

Grief • Hope • Love

The Gift of Nurturing Yourself

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nurture adult coloring page pedicure

How do you nurture yourself?

That might feel like a foreign concept to most of you, especially if you’re a wife or a mother because as women, we are taught to take care of others before we take care of ourselves. So that’s what we do! We mind the house, raise the children, do the grocery shopping, cook the meals, and take care of our significant other, all the while trying to maintain balance in our own lives.

We’re the faithful friend when our inner circle needs propping up. We are the person who works tirelessly at making sure that our partner feels loved and cared for. The first ones to ensure that our children feel like they get the attention they need and deserve. We bake casseroles when someone dies and show up to help our aging parents when they need us. The list is endless when you think about it. And then what do we do after we’ve done all that and a little more??? We go to bed, exhausted from the day, and start the whole mundane, yet hectic, routine all over again the next morning asking ourselves if this is all there is to life. Do you feel like you’re on the hamster wheel yet?! Because you are.

Nurturing your own soul doesn’t make you selfish.

It’s taken me a long, long time to realize that I take way better care of other people than I ever do for myself. And while I have a servant’s heart, I often find myself empty when I’ve given all I have to take care of others. Nurturing myself has often felt selfish, and I’ve been accused of that very thing when I’ve had to take a step back to catch my breath. I’m sure you have too! If you’re anything like me, you give and give and give until you can’t possibly give one more thing to anybody else, and before you know it, you find yourself at the end of your rope, feeling like you need a good cry and a long winter’s nap to recover. Nurturing people consumes a lot of energy, and if you are a person who is worn slap out in the right here and now, you are not alone.

 

white chocolate mocha starbucks coffee date with a friend double whipped cream

 Coffee date at Starbucks with my friend Joe in 2015. White chocolate mocha with soy, double whip. My favorite!

 

That old saying about how we can’t take care of others until we take care of ourselves is true.

In fact, if we nurtured ourselves more often, we would be surprised at how much better we take care of others just by filling up our own tanks! Have you ever been on an airplane? Most of us have. Before the flight takes off, the attendant shows you where each exit is located in the case of an emergency and tells that you that in the event of pressure loss in the cabin, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. And what’s the one thing they instruct you to do? They tell you to place the mask on yourself first before attempting to help others with theirs. Why? Because you could easily lose consciousness in the midst of chaos, and if that happens? You are of absolutely no help to anyone else around you.

How often, in the busyness of everyday life, do you forget to put your own oxygen mask on first?

More often than not, I’m gathering. And if that’s the case, I would encourage you to ask yourself what it is that nurtures you and fills you up when you’re feeling spent. For me, it depends on the situation as to what I feel I need:

Starbucks with a friend.

A hot bubble bath with a smutty People magazine.

Dragging out every marker I have to color an afternoon away (yep, that photo above? I did that!).

Other times, it’s been a walk on the beach by myself, a pedicure at my favorite nail salon, or even a gigantic spoonful of Nutella, which is my biggest guilty pleasure! Every single one of those things I’ve mentioned nurtures me, and while I’ve gotten much better over the years at taking care of myself first, I still don’t take near as much time to do it as often as I should.

 

bubble bath pink toes after a pedicure Bubble bath after a mani/pedi

 

I think most of us are nurturers by nature.

We thrive on it, actually. But the thing about taking care of other people is that we end up giving ourselves the crumbs of what’s leftover at the end of the day. And then we start to wonder why we feel overwhelmed. So if you’re feeling like you have nothing left to give, ask yourself what it is you need! And then extend yourself the grace to go do it!

It doesn’t make you selfish.

Nor does it make you petty.

And it definitely doesn’t make you a bad person for doing something nice for yourself.

Instead, look at it as a necessity, and as a gift to yourself, because that’s exactly what it is. It will actually make you a better mother, a better friend, a more loving spouse, and a much more relaxed person overall.

Want to share with me what nurtures you? Feel free to comment below, because inquiring minds always want to know.

Til next time, stay sassy!

 

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    • I actually made a list of those kinds of things in 2012. I pull it out sometimes to see what I forgot lol! Happy Holidays to you and yours, Sophie! Thanks for commenting!

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  4. I am so up for creating time for oneself because as you have rightly said, we get caught up helping and taking care of others that we forget that we need care as well. Love your post.

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  5. I agree, it does take a lot of energy helping others. Always a good idea to have a plan to take time for yourself.

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  6. My idea of nurturing myself is reading a good book or working a jigsaw puzzle. Those things are what keep me from losing my mind when everything around me is nutso!

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  7. I always remind myself of what they say on airplanes “Put the oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else.” If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot help others.

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  8. So true! What’s funny is that when you are busiest, that’s when you need to do it the most – but it’s the hardest time to convince yourself.

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    • Isn’t it a shame that we all stay so busy?! Do something nice for yourself this week, Sandra. You deserve it! 🙂

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  9. When I speak with my clients I always share that taking care of yourself is like that instructional brochure on an airplane, you have to give yourself oxygen first, before you help others. You have to have energy to tend to the needs of others and you have to do the things that make you happy and feed your soul. Thank you for sharing!

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    • Yes! That’s exactly what I talked about in this blog. It was a metaphor for all of us who don’t put our own masks on first. Thanks for commenting!

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  10. I spend time with my daughter to recharge. But the beach does it for me too, early in the mornings. And sometimes in the middle of the night. I also love the mountains and a good hike.

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  11. It’s difficult to find time for me with a nursing toddler. However I do have a wonderful husband that helps me take care of me and nurtures me too. I also take of myself with my hobbies.

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  12. It’s so necessary to take time out for ourselves. I very rarely do and I feel it. When I do take the time, it really helps!

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    • I think it should be mandatory that we take care of ourselves before anyone else. I think the world would be a much happier place 🙂

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    • Nicole, I hear you! Holiday season is NUTS and I’m sure most women forget about their own needs til at least January 2! Thanks for commenting on TMS!

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  15. Yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly! Self love is the greatest love of all. We must take care of ourselves in all aspects before we can take care of anyone else. Thanks for the reminder.

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  16. Women often forget to nurture themselves while nurturing everyone else. We do need to take time for ourselves. It’s not selfish, it’s just good common sense.

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  17. Amen! It takes me all day sometimes to do the things I need to do to keep the family up and running. I keep thinking about all of the things that I need to do for myself like the pedicure or even shave my legs!!! And I’m too tired by the time the shower comes around. I do need to just take a step back soon and take a break and nurture myself. I had been watching Netflix during my “lunch break” and that was something, but I haven’t even done that in a while. Thanks for the reminder!

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    • I think as women, we are just geared toward taking care of everyone else first, which can really deplete us emotionally as well as physically! And I get the shave your legs part. OMG. Isn’t that the biggest chore ever?! I couldn’t wait to shave as a pre-teen…now I’m like egads! Thanks for commenting on Truly Madly Sassy! I hope to see you again!

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  18. Nurturing yourself is so vital. Especially if your usual day to day is filled with rushing and busyness. Sometimes even the really simple things, like mindfully drinking enough water or putting on lip chap, can be just enough to give you that boost.

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  19. You are so right. As a single mum of two, I find myself caring for my kids and never ever make time for myself. I tried nurturing myself a few weeks ago for the first time and at first I felt guilty but later I said to self that I deserved it and it was a really enjoyable moment. I will be doing it again and hopefully soon.

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  20. It is sometimes so hard to make time for ourselves. It seems selfish when there is so much left to be done. But I personally do so much better when I do.

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  21. I’m a big fan of a walk on the beach for some alone time. It’s such a little indulgence but I feel so much better after.

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    • Yes, the beach is my Zen as well! I can waste an entire day doing nothing but watching the waves roll in! Thanks for dropping by!

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  22. It really is important that we as women, take the time to take care of ourselves. It can be hard to justify sometimes though. It is so important that we tell ourselves that we deserve it too!

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  23. After going on a Yoga week-long retreat one of the valuable lessons I learned is to take care of myself as much as I take care of my family members. It makes my well being great 🙂

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  24. It drives me crazy when women don’t take care of themselves. In my business, I always tell women that if they don’t make themselves a priority, their daughters will see this. And then their daughters will think this is what they should do when they have their own families. This is such a great list of self-care.

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    • You’re exactly right, Erica…I think we teach our kids the wrong things when we accept less than we should. Thanks for commenting!

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  25. Taking care of yourself is so important. Making sure that you get little indulgences will make the rest of life that much better.

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  26. Being a parent, who works a lot of hours, while tending to their child, I definitely need to nurture myself more often.

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    • Hi Krystal! While I’m sure I’ll get some flack for not including men in this, my focus was women mainly because we do so much for others already! And when you add being a Mom to that? Oh holy cow, that’s a lot! I hope you find some time just for yourself very soon! Thanks for commenting on TMS! I’m always happy to see your name pop up!

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  27. Such a beautiful reminder for all of us to also focus on taking care of ourselves from time to time. Even if it’s just a day in 2 weeks or something like that to give us time to do what we want.

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    • Hi Ann Marie! I think we all need “me” time! I know when I don’t give myself that time, I end up feeling more stressed out than usual! Thanks for dropping in! 🙂

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  28. I have to say that I am NOT good at this. I take care of myself physically in terms of beauty but I need to do more for fitness and mind! Thanks for the reminder!

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    • Sandra, I lack in the fitness aspect too, and I felt so much better when I took care of my body! It’s kinda like going to church: you stop going, it’s hard to go back. The gym is like that for me! LOL! Thanks for commenting on TMS!

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  29. I always think I am nurturing myself then I stop and really think about it and no, not as much as I should. Lovely post that really got me thinking, thank you xo

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    • Shannon, I think especially as women, we are all guilty of it! I do better with it than I used to, but mainly because I relocated and don’t know many people here yet! HA! A good way to focus on self!

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  30. Very true self care is so important. My fav two are running a hot bath and also a coffee date with a friend for a good catch up x

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  31. It has been our habit to get a massage once a month, a haircut, a mani/pedi and a glass of wine atleast 3 times a week. Many of us tend to forget self-love most of the time as we are busy loving others.

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    • So, so true Crisly! I like the ways you nurture yourself! Wine. Wine is important! 🙂 Thanks for commenting. I always look forward to what you have to say!

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  32. I take care and nurture myself the way what i like and love. Yes by this, we can also shower love to others more than we could imagine. And its rewarding.

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    • Hi Blair! Showering love on others…and nurturing ourselves at the same time by doing that…yes. Absolutely. I like your thinking here!

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  33. My nurturing consists of using my doterra essential oils and my war binder/prayer jounal that I just started.

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  35. Great reminder! I always, always feel guilty when I take some time for myself and I realise that’s not healthy at all!

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  36. It is so important to nurture ourselves. Mine is going for a coffee with my Best Friend and getting a Mani done once a month.

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  37. I have found that here lately that I haven’t been taken care of myself…I’m paying for it now. I feel horrible and I’m agitated. I need to take a break.

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  38. Wow! I do agree that nurturing oneself is the best gift one can give to himself. :)More power to your blog.

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  39. I always prioritize self care! I know if I don’t, I’ll take it out on others so I’m really just serving them haha!

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  41. We can all use this marvelous reminder. It is , unfortunately, quite easy to forget to take care of ourselves. However, it is impossible to pour from an empty cup so it is of the utmost importance to remember.

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    • I love how you put that: it’s hard to pour from an empty cup. So very, very true! Happy holidays to you and yours, Elise! Thanks for your comment!

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  42. Self care isn’t selfish and as women we need to know we can’t take care of others without making us okay first. I have spent the last two years teaching myself self love and I wish I could give everyone the same opportunity.

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    • Angela, what a gift that would be to others, yes? Self love is the hardest lesson for us to learn as women because we are so geared to taking care of everyone else! Thanks for your comment!

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  43. This is a good reminder to all of us, not only the women, but hard working loving husbands and fathers as well! Give him free-time and demand yours as well if its not evident! Work as a team and not against each other. And yes stop and listen to your own body before its to late because to help others you need to help yourself first.

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  44. I really enjoyed reading this post. I have to learn how to nurture myself more. Thanks for providing these awesome tips.

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  45. I don’t live near a Starbucks, but hey I don’t mind going to Starbucks every week with a friend or two. We might have to do that, us mom friends, quick trip to get coffee. Lol love this post!

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    • Thank you Neri! I love Starbucks…always always! We don’t have one on the island, so Wilmington is the closest one, which is about 45-50 minutes. Worth the drive though! Thanks for commenting!

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  48. Yaaaas! I love this. So important to pamper yourself every so often! Thank you for the reminder. I tend to go for monthly massages just to relieve the tension and snap me back into vitality

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    • Massages are awesome awesome awesome! That’s one thing I haven’t done in a few months! But when I head to Tennessee in a few weeks to visit friends and family, I plan to schedule an appointment with my favorite massage therapist!

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  50. That picture is not just doodling, so creative, expressive and talented. We all get into that trap of forgetting about ourselves and life and just try and get through the days tasks.

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    • Thank you Melissa! All my blogs this month have my coloring pages in them! It’s my Zen really! Do something nice for yourself this week. And as always, thanks for commenting on TMS!

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    • My grandmother was a die hard hot tea fan! I wish I had more of a taste for it than I do. I do like a cup of chamomile or peppermint tea every once in awhile! Thanks for commenting on TMS, Tara!

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  52. I go for a pedicure every week. That is the one thing I do for myself and it’s something I look REALLY forward to each week.

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