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Cali as a kitten
When grieving it’s hard to look past the pain and try to understand why it happened. Some people may never find the peace that they seek or the answers they are looking for. But in truth finding hope or some sort of reasoning is what helped pull me through.
A Brief Back Story
To help shed some light I want to share a little bit of history. During my childhood, there was only one death in the family that happened when I was just 6 years old. My grandpa Don had unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack. I remember being sad and knowing I wouldn’t see him again. But it was a concept I didn’t fully understand.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago and I am a 29-year-old woman with no kids. I love my cats and they are like my children. Honestly, I am home most days and I love it but it does get lonely very often. My cats Chloe and Cali normally hung out on the porch so when I needed to cheer up I would go out and play with them for a bit.
My cat Cali had such a spunky personality compared to my older cat Chloe who is 7.
Cali loved to hunt and explore. She even took on a little garden snake, yikes! Each morning when I walked out to their shed I would here Cali land on the floor. As soon as I opened the door she would dart out the door and wait for me by the same tree. Once I got close it was a race to the porch. Almost every morning it was the same routine. Without even realizing it I had built a morning and evening routine around my cats. After leaving my career I had no routine anymore with the exception of caring for my cats.
Kari & Cali
The Grief of Losing A Pet: Losing A Friend
It was a usual morning and I had let the cats out like I do every morning. I went to the house and started working on some client’s task. I will never forget that I was sad that day but I had no idea why, even though it was a gorgeous day. My husband and his employee were in Louisville and working at a job. I had stepped out a couple times that day and noticed that Cali was gone. Naturally, I figured she had taken off hunting in the woods behind the house. As the day got later I started to worry. When my husband got home that evening we walked the entire property, the fields behind the property, and visited our neighbors.
There was no sign of her anywhere. I had hoped that maybe she wandered too far. I sat out on the porch until it got too dark but she never came home. I remembered thinking of how much I hated our road. Cars sped up and down all day and almost everyone does 20 over the speed limit. I went to bed late and woke up every couple hours to check the porch, hoping to see her. But nothing happened.
The next morning was a complete opposite compared to the day before.
It was a raining like crazy that morning. Like every Saturday my husband and I went to the shop to catch up on some work. I had forgotten to drop our Tax check the day before so I decided to go to the Post Office to make sure the check was sent that day. As I pulled out of our driveway and reaching the end of our driveway I saw my precious Cali on the side of the road. The emotions and tears just overwhelmed me. I quickly called my husband and could barely get the words out. He quickly put it together and asked me where she was. We hung up and I drove to the post office that was 5 minutes from our house.
The drive to and from the post office I could barely breathe and couldn’t stop crying.
I had expected to see my husband in the neighbor’s yard scooping her up but he wasn’t and her body was gone. As I pulled into the driveway I saw Louis trying to hurry and dig the hole before I saw. But the ground was so hard he couldn’t get it deep enough. So we both pulled up to the shop and got out the tractor.
My husband insisted that I didn’t help bury her but I wanted to, hoping it would help with the grieving process. Finally, we had a hole deep enough to put her in and I filled up the hole. At the moment I was thankful for the rain so my husband wouldn’t see the tears but I could feel the hot tears against the cold rain.
The Mourning Process
The mourning process took days. I was ready to get past the weekend so I could focus on work. I could barely sleep, cried constantly, and began to blame myself. I knew it wasn’t healthy but I began to look up things and it made the pain worse. Thankfully, I pulled myself away and started to look for support groups.
I know this sounds silly to some but I never lost someone or a pet of my own since my grandpa passed away.
Deep sorrow is not an emotion I was used to experiencing. My cats are like my children and losing Cali was a huge blow.
After getting through Monday I had improved and slept all night. I begin to think a lot about my time with Cali and even though moments brought me tears I am starting to be able to reminisce without breaking down. With support from my friends who listened, writing about her, and spending time with my older cat Chloe, I’ve started to heal.
Cali
Finding the Positive While Grieving
One of the biggest keys for me to get through losing Cali was finding the positivity. At first, it was hard to think like this because how dare I consider anything positive about losing a pet. But looking back now I needed some positivity to pull me out of the grief.
One of the downfalls is that Cali would follow me everywhere and it scared me when she got close to the road.
She was a very curious cat. Exactly, a week after her passing I was working on some much-needed yard work. My cat Chloe will not pass a certain point in our yard. She wants nothing to do with the road and was like this long before Cali. Working in the yard put me really close to the road and I began to ponder what it would have been like if Cali was there. Would she have run into the road then? Most likely and it would have crushed me if I saw it happened.
Another detail is that I was grateful we found her before anything else did. I was able to bury her as a whole and see her exactly as I will always remember her.
I had forgotten how Chloe was before I got Cali a year ago. That Friday I was reminded of how playful Chloe was.
She stayed with me all day and never left my side. Even at 7 years old she tried to wrestle sticks with me. On a day I had expected to be sad was actually halfway decent and that was because of Chloe. She has always been able to sense my emotions and been there when I needed her.
About a month later we had found a fox making a Den under the shed that the cats stay in. The fox even attacked the chickens next door. He was desperate and looking for anything. I thought of Cali and she was a small cat. What if I had lost her to a predator? I was thankful that was not the outcome.
Chloe
The Conclusion
I realized after losing Cali I had realized how much I had favored her over my other cat Chloe. It made me sad to know that I wasn’t giving Chloe as much love as I should have. Since then there have been cuddles and appreciating her as much as I could possibly. I hope that after this I will never favor one over the other.
If you struggle with finding the positivity in a situation you’re not the only one.
I know this is hard to hear and maybe even think about. It was hard for me at first but eventually, it did help me cope with my sadness. I still get choked up and hope to see her playing in the woods even though I know it will never happen.
If you’re a fellow furbaby parent like me I want you to take one thing away today.
Pets are more than pets as you probably know. They are a part of our family and daily lives. Like us, they have one life and as their guardian, it is up to us to give them the best life we can. Sure, we have bad days and we go through the motions of life. But you know one day they won’t be there and when they’re gone we will be wishing for one more moment with them, so why not make it now.
Deimarys Colon says
May 23, 2018 at 1:14 PMwow, i am so sorry. Sounds like you are going through a really hard time. Still, i am so proud of you for trying to stay positive in the midst of it.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 3:29 PMThank you so much for commenting on Kari’s post about Cali! Hope to see you again on Truly Madly Sassy!
Aine Mulloy says
May 23, 2018 at 7:14 AMSounds like you’re going through a tough time, but well done for being so positive!
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:12 AMThanks so much for commenting on Kari’s post, Aine!
Kelsey says
May 23, 2018 at 6:52 AMOh my goodness, this got me real good. When I lost my childhood dog, I was devastated. He was my buddy, my partner in crime. It was so hard, but keeping his memory alive has helped.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:12 AMI was the same way Kelsey. She was the best dog ever and she died when I was 18. I never got another dog until I was 38. Now I don’t know what I ever did without him!
Kari Touchette says
May 23, 2018 at 4:47 AMNatanja I am so sorry that you’re going through this. I know it can be hard and still struggle with getting back to the duties of life. Some ways that helped me was I saved her photos but put them away. Not that I ever want to forget her but I needed to stop torturing myself. I made her a spot in the yard that I go to visit on the really tough days and talk to her. I know that sounds crazy but it helped. You’ll get through this but please don’t torture yourself. All we can do is love them and do our best which you did.
Elizabeth Uchealor says
May 23, 2018 at 4:07 AMI am sorry about your loss. I once lost my baby ( not furbaby). It was hard getting through that grieving time but being a christian and reading the bible and leaning on Gods word helped. I got Gods word for that season in my life, it helped me to keep hope alive( I was TTC and the one baby i got and carried through came out dead). Today I have 3 kids, God spoke to me about these kids during that grieving time. So I will say, its good to grieve but after grieving, rise up and hope again.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:14 AMHi Elizabeth. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is one of the worst things in the world. I’m glad that you were able to work through it. Thanks for commenting on Kari’s post.
Shana Sutton says
May 22, 2018 at 9:00 PMOh, I’m so sorry for your loss! Losing a pet is definitely like losing a member of the family. I used to have a dog that was like Lassie, a person in a dog’s body, and when she passed on it was very difficult. Pets are family-we walk them everyday, snuggle them, feed them, talk to them–they talk to us. It’s a very special relationship. But I like how you’re looking for the positivity in the loss. It reminds me of “Inside Out,” (The Disney movie with the emotions)–I loved how Joy realizes at the end that Sadness brings us back to love. And it’s true. And someday you’ll be able to think about your cat without crying or being sad and just smile and it’ll be a a big smile that will warm your soul.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:18 AMHi Shana! You are so right. Losing a pet IS like losing a family member, especially for those of us who don’t have human kids! I also haven’t seen the movie so I’ll have to check that out. Thanks so much for commenting on Kari’s post about Cali! Hope to see you on Truly Madly Sassy again!
CourtneyLynne says
May 22, 2018 at 7:48 PMUghhhhhh losing a pet is the worst! I lost my cat Magic when she was 17 in Sept, I don’t think I will ever not miss her
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:19 AMI totally agree, losing a pet is terrible. When something happens to my dog Snickers, I won’t know what to do with myself. Thanks so much for commenting on Kari’s post!
Polkadotblonde says
May 22, 2018 at 4:12 PMI was really sorry to read your post. It is always very hard to lose a pet. I remember when we had to put my first dog, Lady, down. She was so old, almost blind, and couldn’t stop herself from going to the bathroom. It was very odd not having her around at first. I’m glad you have Chloe to comfort you during this time!
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:20 AMThanks so much for commenting on Kari’s post about Cali! I so understand about having to put an animal down. I’ve had to do that with two of my cats and it was so hard!
healingdreamscom says
May 22, 2018 at 3:42 PMBeautiful. May God bless you. The mourning process is truly an essential phase. Losing a pet is hard to deal with. May God be with you in all that you do.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:21 AMThanks so much for the sweet comment and for reading Kari’s post about Cali. I found it very touching myself!
nadaliebardo says
May 22, 2018 at 3:31 PMI understand this process oh too well, you aren’t alone and I am glad you tried looking for better ways to grieve. Honestly, time does heal, as many times as we might hear someone say that, I kept saying it to myself for a few months when I lost someone special to me. Each day was hard but it got easier, it has only been 2 and a half months. Each day is a new day and it gets easier with time. I wish you comfort in times of pain and grief but most importantly you need to remember them as you did when they were around.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:22 AMThat’s very good perspective Nadalie! Remember them as we did when they were around is good advice. Thanks so much for commenting on Kari’s post about Cali! Hope to see you on Truly Madly Sassy again!
Jenny Morrison says
May 22, 2018 at 12:15 PMThis is such a tender post. I have lost pets over the years, but one got to me the most. I had a 10 year old cat that I called boo boo. I am not really a pet person, but really loved this cat. I was in my early 40’s, had 4 kids, and lots of pets. On Christmas Night we put her out to go to the bathroom, and a minute later heard a horrible sound. We ran outside and the neighbors pitbull had gotten out and snapped her neck in an instant. We were all so devastated. It was extremely late and cold. I had one of the kids go and get a good towel and cover her body with it. We all went to bed crying. The next day I had to work a long day and my oldest son buried her and made a little cross for her grave. We of course got over it in time, but it really made us so sad. Pet’s play a really important role in families and are very missed when gone. Thanks for sharing your story.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:26 AMOh Jenny! That’s a heartbreaking story! I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you and your family. And Christmas night to boot! So very sad. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I think pets really round out a family.
Lauren Becker says
May 22, 2018 at 10:14 AMOh gosh, I’m so sorry to hear about Cali but you’re right – it’s important to focus on positive aspects to make losing them a bit better. I’m glad that you and Chloe are spending more time together though. I have a dog and I’d be devastated if anything happened to her. She’s getting older, so I know she won’t live much longer, and I don’t want that day to come. It will be very difficult.
-Lauren
http://www.shootingstarsmag.net
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:31 AMHi Lauren! Thanks for commenting on Kari’s post! I, too, have a dog named Snickers and he’s 12 now. I dread the day when something happens to him, so I know how you feel. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself!
Kari Touchette says
May 22, 2018 at 6:50 AMThis is a beautiful poem <3, Thank you for sharing!
Ben says
May 22, 2018 at 6:37 AMA beautiful n bittersweet quote I know is ‘there is beauty in the inevitable’ . It may not be all that uplifting but I think it’s true that death is what makes life valuable
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:34 AMOh Ben, I love that quote, and I’ve never heard it. There truly is beauty in the evitable if we find it. Hope you are well, friend. Thanks for commenting on Kari’s post about Cali!
Natanja @ Home Baked Bliss says
May 22, 2018 at 4:39 AMThank you for writing this. I just lost my cat Emily last week and so this post immediately caught my eye. It’s such a struggle to get over what happened. She died in such an awful way. We drove her to the clinic in the middle of the night and didn’t know if we’d make it there in time, she was hardly breathing. She then spent her last hours in an oxygen box, sedated and fighting for her life. The doctors sent me and my husband home because they said it could be a while. 2 hours later I got the call that she wouldn’t make it and was asked if they had my consent to put her down.
Of course I consented but it was terrible to not be able to say goodbye. When we arrived she was already dead. She was a gorgeous cat with the shiniest fur you can imagine but when I saw her lying there on the table, she looked like a stray. As much as her death saddens me I can’t stop thinking that I wish it would have happened differently. I wish her last hours wouldn’t have been so full of anxiety and stress amongst strangers. I wish I could have been there for her but I also know it wouldn’t have changed the outcome.
I’m really struggling to leave last weeks events behind me and be productive again. But I currently don’t really know how to do that.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:40 AMI’m so sorry about Emily, Natanja! Losing our pets is so difficult and I totally get how traumatic her death was for you. That’s so sad and my heart goes out to you. Thanks for sharing your story and for commenting on Truly Madly Sassy.
Elle says
May 22, 2018 at 2:12 AMI am so sorry for your loss. We got a rabbit a couple of months ago; its my kids first pet and actually its my first pet too. My husband had lots of pets growing up, but I had none. When I met him his parents had a dog and he died shortly after we got together. Here in Japan they have pet graveyards and funerals, so I went to his funeral. It was a really good way for my husband and his family to grieve for their beloved pet.
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:41 AMI’ve never heard of a pet funeral, but that’s a great idea, especially for closure. Thanks for commenting on Kari’s post! Drop in anytime.
Stacey says
May 21, 2018 at 10:37 PMWhen my dog passed away in 2009 it was the hardest thing to go through. She was my best firend. One poem that has brought me comfort and I share to anyone that is grieiving a pet is the Rainbow Bridge.
“Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…. ”
Anonymous
Kristi McAllister, Owner & Founder of Truly Madly Sassy says
May 23, 2018 at 10:45 AMStacey, this has always been one of my favorite poems and I’m so glad that you shared it. Some people say there are no animals in Heaven, but I refuse to believe it because I just can’t imagine God would let that happen. Thanks so much for commenting on Kari’s post!