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You know that flutter thing?
That butterfly feeling in your stomach. Or the excitement that you feel when you realize you’re following your dream. Or how about that knowing part of you deep inside that says you made the right choice? Flutter. That’s flutter.
I’ve experienced lots of flutters over my lifetime…
…that feeling of my heart skipping a beat when my eyes met those of the man who still to this day has my heart
…the excitement I felt the first time I visited the campus of a chiropractic college
…those butterflies in my stomach when Mr. Hottie walked into the gym with Starbucks in his hand
…the knowing that I’m exactly where I am supposed to be even if I don’t know where I’m going or why
I haven’t always followed the flutter, though.
I mean, think about it, if I followed every flutter I’ve ever had, I would never get anything done! Most of the time, I’m not a risk taker, except when it comes to love—I risk it all for love and suspect that will always be the case, even if I have to put on my running shoes a few times before I figure out what I want. Any other decision, though, is always met with trepidation and torturing myself with every outcome that could possibly happen, good or bad. I’ve lost many an opportunity by tip-toeing through things I should have embraced but didn’t. I’d like to say it’s made me less cautious, but it hasn’t.
Decisions don’t come easy for me—they never have.
But on July 24th, I had to make a hard decision about whether or not I would attend UNCW. I anguished over it for days, but when the deadline approached, I gracefully bowed out of that opportunity and it’s one decision that I don’t regret at all, even though I imagined far worse outcomes than where I’m standing right now. I didn’t know the how’s or the why’s, but I knew that it wasn’t the school for me and it was apparent both times I visited campus. It has a phenomenal reputation, but I just didn’t see myself there, no matter how hard I tried to.
Instead, I followed the flutter.
And that flutter led me to King University in Tennessee. I was supposed to begin school there in 2017, but the online program for social work was pulled from the docket and I had already moved here to North Carolina, so there wasn’t much I could do about that at the time. Instead, I set my sights on UNCW and took a year off from my studies to satisfy the residency requirement; we already know how that worked out! I had considered not completing my bachelor’s in social work at all, but because I’m so close to finishing it, I decided to do it anyway. And the very day I withdrew from UNCW? The door to attend King opened and I didn’t tip-toe through that doorway at all—I sprinted through it!
I still can’t explain all of it, but I’ve come to realize that knowing how and why isn’t all that important.
I’m guided very much by my intuition and it has never led me astray, so when opportunity knocked, I answered. And that flutter I had lost? The one I haven’t had since I visited my first chiropractic college? That flutter came back, which is how I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be. There’s no rhyme or reason to it really because I’ll have to travel some (I’m 7 hours away from home.) However, I just know deep down that I’m supposed to finish that degree at that college with those people.
Doors open when we least expect them to.
And it’s our job to decide which ones are worth leaving open and which ones need to be nailed shut. It just goes to show that sometimes, we have to get out of our own way; everything works out the way it’s supposed to, even we don’t know the reason. And someday, I’ll look back on this experience and I will know without a shadow of a doubt why I was led back to Tennessee. In the meantime though, I’m just following the flutter to wherever it happens to lead me.
Til next time, stay sassy!
Now that I’ve been immersed in school work for a few weeks, I just wanted to make you aware that the Truly Madly Sassy may not publish on a weekly schedule until I find that balance between college courses and real life. After being a Mermaid for the last 18 months, it is indeed a hard balance to find, so I appreciate your patience while I figure it all out!